Meanwhile, Ian and Jane set in train a terrifying chain of events, it's a well known fact that any attempt to spend quality time by Walford's answer to Donald Trump (only poorer and smelling of fish) and the world's most long suffering wife is a cue for mayhem, heartache and serious injury.

And so it was on Monday night. Aerial View was never particularly good at physics, and can't remember exactly what the whole irresistible force versus immovable object thing means (possibly something to do with Gladiators, but more of that later), but suffice to say, Roxy's no claims bonus doesn't look to healthy after her collision with Pa-at.

While I was half watching Sky News getting awfully excited while standing behind a police car in West London, Stephen attempted to cover his tracks by trying to kill yet another relative. Personally I would have thought that Ian & co would have learned their lesson after Stephen tried to blow away Jane, but hey 'ee's fa-amily inne?'.

Pat was unlucky enough to interrupt Stephen as he booked Eurostar tickets and packed missing Lucy's passport, so of course he just had to attempt to kill her, whether he's kidnapped or is 0just merely abetting Lucy's running away. Bradley's jumper meanwhile provided comic relief, when faced with Clare's Babestation meets Princess Leia outfit.

Bradley's cheeks turned the colour of Alex Ferguson's nose at a Manchester derby and he started to become alarmingly excited before being shot down by Clare's 'shyness'. Yep, that'll be the same Clare who was extorting money out of a punter not 10 minutes earlier.

I've said it before, but does Bradley not watch Hollyoaks? Frankly he deserves everything he gets, although what Clare is going to clean him out of remains unclear. Looks like it's up to Stacey to save the day again...

Sky News did get awfully excited on Tuesday night, while BBC News 24 remains quite sniffy about speculation, preferring to concentrate on 10p tax rate wrangles, Sky camped out on a doorstep for 4 hours and got to use awfully flashy graphics screaming 'BREAKING NEWS' with extra whoohsy noises.

Infuriatingly, Aerial View managed to miss everything that happened by turning over and watching Eastenders, but luckily Sky were able to fill me in with literally hours of footage of the back of a police van.

Although it was interesting that when the BBC broke the story that there was a siege in Ipswich shortly after, Sky barely raised a murmur.

Could it be siege fatigue, overtime budgets spent or (whisper it) they don't care because it didn't happen in London? It's hard to see what the BBC has to feel all superior about what with BBC1 screening hard-hitting documentary NI Wags.

Including gritty footage of a few gaelic players wives eating sandwiches and future star Zara Shaw (sample dialogue "people call me a wee Wag so they do, but I say I earn me own money like"). Zara shows an almost heroic disdain for her footballing boyfriend's livelihood.

To be fair to the Ballynahinch model, her boyfriend Chris plays for Dublin side Bohemians, with Dalymount hardly being the most glamorous stadium on earth, she manages to moan about his shorts, team and cleaning habits all while looking a million dollars standing beside a crowd of Dubliners in shellsuits. The show will run and run (BBC1 Tuesday 11.10pm) and Zara has undoubted comic potential.

Aerial View has been wearing spandex all week in eager anticipation of the return of Gladiators on Sunday at 6pm (Sky One).

It's got everything, pumped up meatheads ready to beat up the general public (I've been advised by our lawyers that they are all naturally pumped up not, well the other way of being pumped up), massive cotton bud type things and the heir to John Fashanu's unique presenting blend of gravitas and screaming 'Awooga! at every possible opportunity, Ian Wright.

However the deal breaker for me is Eunice Huthart. The greatest contestant ever, the scouse bruiser who left a trail of bruised Gladiators and left a lasting impression on an adolescent Aerial View simply has to be there, if only as a guest to make my Sunday complete. Come on Murdoch, you can make it happen.

This week, instead of watching Heroes on Thursday night (come on, it's repeated on Sunday night), check out the excellent James Nesbitt as Midnight Man on ITV1 (9pm). Nesbitt stars as a paranoid investigative journalist who founds his life unravelling as he becomes embroiled in a dirty war being waged in secret by the government.

It's going to be classic scenery chewing Nesbitt without a Yellow Pages ad in sight. Friday night saw the very welcome and excruciating return of Peep Show (Channel 4 10.35pm) and it continues as Mark and Sophie return to work following their non-wedding/honeymoon, while if you missed Rescue Me on Sunday night RTE2 shame on you!

Catch up with the guys from the Bronx at 10.30pm on Sunday night as the team try to come to terms with Jerry's shocking suicide. If you missed the brilliant Californication first time round, don't miss the chance to make amends at 10.15pm Wednesday on the newly revamped Fiver (Sky 182).

David Duchovny is at his addled, amoral best as Hank, a terminally unfaithful, unreliable writer who finds himself incapable of writing a paragraph without the aid of a bottle of whiskey and an affair or two.

Film choice this week is Sudden Death, Sunday night at 10.55pm on Channel 4. Before I reveal that it is a Jean-Claude Van Damme film (oops) I must state in my defence that a) it is quite a lean week filmwise and b) the film is actually rather good fun.

The mercurial Jean-Claude stars as a security guard (he was kicked out of the CIA for reasons of violent insanity) who must attempt to foil an attempt to kidnap the Vice-President of the USA (a lack of ambition there by the kidnappers surely) for reasons too flimsy to remember during an ice-hockey game.

It's not as if anybody will be watching it for the plot, it's an excuse to watch Jean-Claude defeat evil do-ers in every more imaginative, grisly and resourceful ways. So join us next time as Aerial View gets his hands dirty with daytime TV special as well as the usual reviews, previews and wholly unconstructive criticism.